It’s finally Friday and that means it’s time for the weekly current event briefing!
1. Help the FBI crack this code!
K.Mo: I must admit that I have a deep fascination when it comes to true crime stories. Um, you want to me read the entire Charles Manson Wikipedia page? Done. I found an amazing book filled with 500 of the most notorious crimes in December. My mother told me I was “sick.” And then a day later I found her leafing through the book and reading about John Wayne Gacy. I’ll probably spend my weekend attempting to crack this code so I can help out the FBI. You know, a normal weekend.
M.Stine: Once upon a time I took linguistics, and I really wish I had learned something that might help me this crack code. Nope…instead all I got from it was a C- & a $1500 tuition charge. But really, the FBI hasn’t been able to solve these codes in 11 years?? Who does the hiring there? If we’re somehow able to solve these notes, I say we demand full-time jobs at the FBI, with health/dental/vision, paid sick days, ample vacation time & an office…a cubicle will not suffice!
K.Mo: First, did the world learn nothing from Vanessa Hudgens?? Second, I’m a little confused about these naked pics that teenage girls are sending. I thought there was a serious self-esteem problem due to looking at too many skinny models and actresses on magazine covers? What happened to that? Perhaps we have done too good a job of raising self-esteem and this why girls think it’s a legit idea to text a pic of boobs. We clearly need to knock this girls down a few notches to they can feel self-conscious of their bodies and hide them behind 85 layers of clothing. And dear God, can someone tell Saif that “everyone does it” is actually not a good defense when the police come knocking on your door trying to arrest you for child porn!
M.Stine: This is just further evidence that each generation is a little bit dumber than the one before it. No, Rachel, your boyfriend is not different & he’s going to show everyone he knows that picture of your boobs you just sent. And who does things like that at 8th grade sleepovers?! I’m fairly certain I was still playing Ouija board then. If these girls are fine with these pictures of their bits & pieces being viral forever, go ahead and snap away. But I don’t want to hear your sob story on “Oprah” when someone starts a nasty Facebook group about you!
3.) Kangaroo Pet
M.Stine: How cute is Irwin?!? On the surface this is the quite possibly the most heart-warming story I have read in a while. A disabled kangaroo who loves Cheez-Its, becomes fast friends with a depressed woman from
is the stuff TV movies are made of! But then I’m instantly reminded of a little incident we had here in Connecticut a few years back….It involved a depressed woman’s pet chimp (who she also dressed & fed lobster), and his savage mauling of her friend, who lost both her hands and the majority of her face. As someone who is fond of animals (except dogs), I believe that pets can be highly therapeutic, but I kind of think we need to draw the line on wild animals. Why can’t you just get a cat, give it a stripper name & call it a day? Oklahoma
K.Mo: I love kangaroos just as much as the next gal, but come on! Irwin is not special; he’s a kangaroo! Is “animal sanctuary” a fancy name for zoo? How did this kangaroo even come into this situation? And why does Christie insist on dressing the kangaroo in a shirt and pants? How does the kangaroo go to the bathroom? Also, who are the people with tigers mentioned at the end of article?? Stop trying to domesticate the outback/jungle animals of the world!
4.) Snooki paid more to speak than Nobel Laureate
M. Stine: Despite the fact that reading (okay skimming) Beloved, for AP English made me want to remove my own eyeballs, I’m a little horrified that Toni Morrison, a Nobel Prize winning author, is receiving less money than Snooki, a drunken tanorexic, to speak at a university. I love killing brain cells watching Jersey Shore as much as the next gal, but it’s sad that the gorilla juicehead loving clowns are receiving higher appearance fees than people that have made meaningful contributions to society. Get your priorities in line,
K.Mo: Maybe if Toni Morrison spent some time boozin’ at the Jersey Shore she would become more popular with the college set. Maybe we are looking at this all wrong. I think we should all just be impressed that Snooki has such mass appeal. One day she’s speaking to Rutgers students and the next she’s wrestling in Wrestle Mania! I think the bottom line is this: we can’t expect the same kids that are apparently sending nudie pictures of themselves in compromising positions to also appreciate classic authors.